Catch A Falling Star
by JadziaKathryn
Summary: Julian can't deal with Ezri's death, and he thinks Worf may understand.


Disclaimer: They're not mine, and we all know whose they are. 

Note: This is my first fanfic with characters from DS9, so please let me know how it is. 

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Catch A Falling Star 

At the heart of Klingon territory, the Federation Ambassador to the Klingon Empire was climbing a solid wall of rock. As he did, he saw not the rock in front of him, but a face very different from his own. It was a light face with spots running down the sides, smiling as soft brown hair cascaded around the face. He often remembered his _par'machai_ this way, as she had been when they wed. And when he wanted to hurl himself off the rock to be with her, he would think of her zesty love of life, and it would keep him going. Some days, the only reason he kept living was because Jadzia would have wanted him to. Today had been one of those days. Now, he looked up into the sky in the direction of the Federation. He knew which star the Trill Homeworld orbited, and he watched it, saw its gleam transform into the gleam of her eyes. He didn't want to blink for fear it would shatter the image.

If Worf had been at his console at that moment, he would have noticed that a letter had come to him from the place where he had been with his wife, Deep Space Nine. It came from someone who also had a haunting memory of Jadzia Dax.

Worf,

I'm writing this to you because, although nobody can truly understand the extent of my grief, you will come the closest. 

Ezri is dead. Her body is still on the bed in my infirmary, not even cold yet. She was hit by a phaser that a thief wielded as he tried to escape with some of Quark's Romulan Ale. Ezri died because of Romulan Ale, and she hated the stuff. The damn phaser was set to kill. 

They brought here in here as she was dying, and I did everything I could for her. But it wasn't enough. In the end the only thing I could do was hold her in my arms and let her leave this life in the arms of her lover. I felt the diamond on her hand, the one I just slid on her finger last night. As her pulse weakened, she whispered, "I love you." Then she slipped away.

Last night we were on the holodeck, sitting under the stars in a park on Earth. "Julian," she had told me, "look, a falling star!" I missed it, but she continued. "When I was a girl, I used to wonder if people caught them as they fell. The one thing I wanted to do in life was catch a falling star. Silly, isn't it?"

"No," I had told her, "not at all. They're so perfect. It seems like to catch one would be catching the quintessence of happiness."

Happiness has eluded me again, just when I was truly happy. The alien in our brig killed Ezri for some stolen alcohol, and I couldn't keep her alive. I failed her, Worf, just like I failed Jadzia. I managed to save Dax, but there was nothing I could do for Ezri. And now she's gone; it's all so senseless.

There is no way I can live like this. I can't go around pretending to be a physician, healing cuts and bruises but failing when I'm really needed. I couldn't save Jadzia, I couldn't save Ezri. I failed them both; they both paid for my inability. I can't let that happen to anyone else. The thought of facing an endless procession of days without Ezri, knowing I gave up and just held her, hurts like a knife.

Don't judge me by standards of honor, please. I don't deserve the time it takes, and I know I would fail anyway. I don't know how you go on every day without Jadzia. Hell, I don't know how you got through the first hour. I wish I had a quest, like you did, something to do for her as one last gift of love. The afterlife is something I've never really given a whole lot of thought to. Maybe I didn't want to know. Now I wish I had. 

But I'm going to find out soon. I'm going to be with Ezri, where I can't fail anybody anymore. You might think of it as a cowardly thing, or maybe you'll understand more than you want to admit. Either way, please know that this is the only way for me to go. It's time I go on, and I'll catch up with Ezri so we can spend eternity together.

I have to go; Kira will be here soon and I don't want her trying to talk me out of this. I hated you once, when I thought you took Jadzia away from me. But she was never mine. Even before she knew you she was yours. Now I see that what I felt for her was child's play compared to what I feel for Ezri, no disrespect intended. I cared deeply for Jadzia, but Ezri was something different. But I digress. I see now that you're the better man in the end, Worf. The stronger one, the one who does his job. I don't hate you for winning. 

Can I ask one last favor? Please tell them to put us in the same coffin. I don't want even our bodies to be separated ever again. Thank you.

Your Friend,

Julian Bashir

Colonel Kira walked into the infirmary on Deep Space Nine. "Julian, I'm so sorry." When there was no answer, she said again, "Julian?" 

Then she saw him, lying next to Ezri on the bed. He had a phaser wound in his head, and the phaser was held in his own hand. It was set to kill. Tears welled up in Kira's eyes, and she had to leave the room. She walked out onto the Promenade, and looked out at the stars, trying to make sense of it all. 

In the distance, two falling stars were on a parallel course into space.


End file.
